Friday, January 27, 2006

New Kid's Show Based On Clive Barker's "Hellraiser"


"Heckraiser: The New Breed", a new cartoon show for preschoolers based on the movie series by Clive Barker debuts this week.

Jane Weimarant, producer for JumpStop Animation says the new kid's show will follow the adventures of "SafetyPinHead" and the "Junior Cenobites" as they thwart their Nanny (only seen from the knees down), and try to find the puzzle-box that will send them back to Heck.

"It's time for us to help Mr. Barker freshen the brand, and introduce everyone's favorite multidimensional S&M monsters to a whole new generation."

In the premier episode, SafetyPinHead feels jealous because he thinks Butterball Cenobite ate the last piece of Lemon Meringue pie. Butterball swears he didn't, but SafetyPinHead is so sure Butterball is fibbing that he concocts a trap that springs rusty hooks into Butterball's stomach and flays his intestines open, exposing the pie, which SafetyPinHead greedily gobbles up. They both wind up with tummy-aches, but for completely different reasons!

"That episode underlines the lessons inside every show" Ms. Weimarant continued. "It shows the effects of jealousy, and fibbing, and how we must all tolerate one another, whether we're grown-ups, children, or shrieking demons being skinned alive for eternity in a flaming pit of despair. Plus the colors are really nice."

"Some people balk at animation's long tradition of making kid's shows from source material that's inappropriate, from "Robocop" to "The Toxic Avenger" but we think that once kids see the warm interaction between Chattering Cenobite Jr. and Skinless Frankie, all fear will melt away. We also plan a cameo from Candyman coming up, and as we know- all kids love candy!"


Anonymous Peter said...

Woah woah woah, this can't be real? Where is this show available?

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Peter said...

I'm retarded.

2:13 PM  
Anonymous allium said...

Unfortunately, a little bird told me that JumpStop's parent chaebol Cheju Biotech (the creators of rainbow kim chee) invested heavily in stem cell futures and may be pulling back funds from other areas to cover their losses. As I understand it, SafetyPinHead's the low demon on the totem pole.

Those horror-cartoon tie-ins seem to be cursed. The failure of CBS's "H. P. Lovecraft Comedy Adventure Hour" in 1975 pretty much took New England off the animation map until "Family Guy", and I think Spiegel sells drink coasters made out of cut-up model sheets from DIC's "The Stand: Extreme Anti-Weasel Team".

12:56 AM  
Anonymous cartooncrank said...


You deserve combat pay for having anything to do with the current sad state of television "animation" (and I use the term very loosely!)

The industry today is no longer interested in seasoned professionals with solid ideas. They just want young twerps, geeks, nerds and people who DON'T have chronic drinking problems.

Their loss, those immature, arrogant name-calling babies!!!! (But we know all about those kind of so-called cartoon fans, eh, CARTOONIAC?!?!?!!!)


11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, it's been over a month since your last post.

More totally real news about cartoons, please.

8:58 PM  

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