Thursday, January 12, 2006

Prod Co Announces New Innovation: Straight-To-Video Sequels With No Original Film

Taking innovation and theoretical logic to its conclusion, DigiPixelStorm Entertainment today announced that they will be producing sequels to animated films that never existed.

"Fireball 2" concerns the daughter of Jace Random, the heroic extreme spaceboard athlete from "Fireball" (never produced), as she struggles to maintain her dignity and live up to her father's reputation, as a human in a sport dominated by aliens.

Wilma Galt, producer at DigiPixelStorm, could barely contain her enthusiasm.

"There are certain things audiences expect with sequels, the sort of things DigiPixelStorm can deliver.

For instance- we don't have to spend time carefully introducing characters and their motivations- we can do it through dialogue, and the audience assumes all the heavy lifting has been done in the original. Like when Jacella sees Mazztron, she says:
"Mazztron! I haven't seen you since you worked as a spaceboard mechanic for my father, who has mysteriously disappeared, so I have taken over his spaceboard franchise, only I have no mechanic, and I can't concentrate because I think that one of the other contestants I'm up against is actually a bad guy who is involved in the kidnapping of my father! Do you still comically bungle tools, making you seem like an oaf, even though you're the best mechanic in the galaxy?"

All done without the character budging an inch.

Magic.

And sequels always have a smaller budget. A movie like 'Fireball', could be expected to have a budget of 100 million dollars, whereas we can make the sequel for much much much much less. Way less. Audiences know that the animation is never as good, and in our case, it isn't.

Sequels always have non A-list celebrity voices. We have to have celebrity voices, of course, but why choose Morgan Freeman when Michael Winslow from those 'Police Academy' movies will do? Plus he makes those funny 'beeping sounds', which saves on our post budget."

Wilma Galt continues:

"The number 2 or 3 after a movie title has a built-in trust. It says 'hey there, Mr. or Mrs. consumer. I don't have big pretensions, but the folks seemed to like the first version just fine- fine enough to make a li'l sequel like me. Give me a chance, with expectations lowered as far as they can go.'

So far in the pipeline:
"Robot 2" (not to be confused with Blue Sky's 'Robots')
"The Incredible Superheroes 2" (not to be confused with Pixar's 'The Incredibles')
and 'Racoon and Turtle Go To Town 2" (not to be confused with Dreamwork's 'Over The Hedge')

We plan to give Pixar, Dreamworks and the rest a run for their money. We have recruited some of their top talent.
Our head of story comes from Pixar, where he ran a sandwich stand, and our TD comes from Dreamworks, where he used to fix Steven Speilberg's laptop.

But it's the merchandising opportunities that really get me excited.

I'm told that every one of the characters in "Fireball 2" has their own 'walk cycle'. I haven't seen one, but I'm thinking that the characters walk on some sort of treadmill, and the wheels of the cycle turn.
That's exciting.
I can't wait until we can start manufacturing these motorcycle toys to every kid in the world.
There are also bed linens in the works, with photos of beautiful supermodels on them, posed out like our characters. They're calling them 'Model sheets'. I see they have 'dope sheets' as well, to appeal to the 'hip hop' crowd. Brilliant."

That's what I say, Ms. Galt! I can't wait to see these fantastic sequels! And someday, you may have enough clout to do the original!

5 Comments:

Blogger Grover said...

Right along with all this:

HALO on ice!

http://uglymess.blogspot.com/2005/06/halo-on-ice.html

6:54 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

I get the distinct feeling that you must be making this up.... Prove me wrong, please!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Animazing! said...

I take umbrage at the implication that this missive may be fictional, "Michael", if that is INDEED your proper nomenclature.

One does not generate the contacts within the industry like I'VE, and then proceed to have one's integrity BESMIRCHED!

I stand by my belief that- POUND FOR POUND - cartoons ARE your greatest entertainment value.

And if my Simple Blog makes it into the History Books Of Animation, well then...

So be it.

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The title made me believe they would be producing sequels made soley by chopping up and rearranging the footage from the original film. Too bad they aren't; that would have saved even more money, don't you think?

11:42 PM  
Blogger Sandra Khoo said...

O.O

9:34 PM  

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